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We are often trapped by a cognitive distortions, and now I’d like share a story showing how a  joke can help coaching clients to get clarity on their own fears and change mindset. In our story there’s a rabbit, a bear and a lawn mower.

Rabbit and Bear – and the cognitive distortions

I was originally told this joke by a gestalt psychotherapist to highlight the value of separating our fantasies about the future from the observable facts of our experience. I rather think there’s a moral in it for most of us. 

The Rabbit got to his yard and saw the high  green grass and decided to cut. It’s the ideal time, and he knows the weather forecasts no rain for another week.

Trouble is Rabbit’s lawn mower was broken and won’t be back from repairs until the end of the month. So he decides to try and borrow the lawn mover of his neighbour Bear across the fields. After all, Bear has such beautifully cut grass in front of his farmhouse.

So Rabbit sets off across the fields to talk to his neighbour. He starts out thinking, “I’m sure it will be fine, he’ll be happy to lend it to me”

After a few strides, it occurs to him “Of course, I’ll offer Bear to pay for the fuel…”

A few strides more and he thinks, “I’m sure it will be ok.. though some people can be a bit funny about lending things”

A few strides more…”Hmmm, I haven’t talked to Bear much lately… I hope he’s not upset with me…”

Later… “Well, he did give me that funny look in the village store last month… I don’t know what that was about”

Later… “Oh, I hope he’s not going to give me a hard time about this… I’m only asking, after all”

You get the picture, as he strides along, he runs over all the pitfalls that could await him.

Anyway, eventually Rabbit reaches his neighbour’s farmhouse and taps a little awkwardly at the door.

As soon as his neighbour Bear opens the door, Rabbit says to him, “You know what? You can keep your blasted lawn mower you miserable git! I never wanted it in the first place!!”

What’s the moral?

The reason I brought this  silly joke up, as it came to my mind when working with a client, struggling with fears of how her communication is perceived. As we dug deeper into the topic, she slowly realized that she had no reason to believe that her peers would refuse her anyhow. She investigated what could be the worst scenario? And she founds practically nothing. Her disability to give and ask for feedback and reach out to the others appeared as a problem similar to a big red balloon. Then I gave her a needle to see if she could burst it. It was so important in this coaching session that it does not matter what I’d say – she had to release this unjustified fear herself. She was not expecting people to show their best self and worried of uncertain consequences, she was not able to concretize.

When she laughed at this joke, by the next session she realized that even she found the worst scenario managable for her and she decided to change.  Being worried about how our communication is perceived is a kind of cognitive distortion. 

What is a cognitive distortion?

The cognitive distortions are categories of automatic thinking. In 1957 Albert Ellis created what he called the ABC Technique of rational beliefs. The ABC stands for (A)Activating Event, (B)beliefs that are irrational and (C) the consequences that come from the belief. Ellis wanted to prove that the activating event is not what caused the emotional behavior or the consequences, but the beliefs and how the person irrationally perceived the events that aided the consequences.

I was thinking which cognitive distortions are covered in this joke?

Overgeneralization – when someone who overgerelizes makes hasty generalizations from insufficient evidence? 

Maybe filtering – when people focus on the negative details of a situation and filter out the positive aspects?  

Or jumping to conclusions  – a form of mind-reading – while inferring a person’s probable negative thoughts from his behavior and nonverbal communication, taking precautions against the worst scenario without asking the person?

Anyhow, I considered the session as a real triumph over fear. My client explained how she was liberated from this pressure when she finally tried to trust the goodwill of people and overcome her fear and admitted her fear felt totally crazy. So she wrote another ending of the joke:  

 “Bear, mate, would you please lend your lawn mower for the weekend? “

And Bear lended him with a smile. Even he refused to accept money for the petrol. “

How Do You Fix Cognitive Distortions?

So now that you know  how do you go about undoing them? The good news is that you can correct your irrational thinking, and I can help you discover them. Feel free to book a free session to discuss your personal cognitive distortion.